I’ve been on a bit of a sabbatical, because RL family drama I’m not willing to go into publicly, and I just did not have the brain or spoons to update here. But most of that seems to have calmed down, and I’m able to think a little clearer now. I am behind on TPE posts, and other posts I wanted to make, and they may or may not turn up at some point, we’ll see.
What I sort of hate about The Pagan Experience topics is that they are very Thinky, and I can’t write anything decent about them when I can’t sit and think about those topics for very long. Kudos for that, but it does make it hard to just thrash out a response in an hour on a whim. I need to write all the drafts before I’m able to settle on something I like that isn’t totally shite and just me rambling for a thousand words. (I am also a bit tired of the ‘…and what does $word ~mean~ to you?’ phrasing of the suggested topics, and that might be grating on my desire to sit and thrash out drafts because I cbf ~defining my terms~ before I begin, because this isn’t a fucking university essay, but whatever. I mean, some words just don’t have that sort of broad flexibility in definition, y’know? :/)(This is where my logical grammar pedant is winning out over my Arts graduate’s feelpiniony inclinations.)
Still, at least I am thinking about them when I open my file every so often, and look at the topics, and ponder wtf I am going to say, and then close the file several hours later, having written not very much. I might actually go back and reword some of them, or perhaps find other topics to write about, just so I can make some progress, and get them written. I don’t like leaving this blog sitting idle with no content, and the more I write when I have the time, the more I can plan ahead when I’m feeling shite, so.
As for the rest of my life, I started volunteering three(ish) days a week at an op shop, because the Government thinks this will help me Get A Job (I am yet to be convinced by this, but it’s not Work for the Dole, so I don’t care that much), and that has messed up my schedule rather a lot. I am still adjusting to the early starts (…well, comparatively earlier than I was used to), and having to Deal With People all day. (My introverted self is mostly coping well with this, but I still need to recharge after every day. People are exhausting. :/) I have not had enough time to write, let alone concentrate on much else. I have spent a lot of my spare time watching Pokémon Let’s Plays on youtube, and throwing myself at Omega Ruby/Alpha Sapphire, because escapism. (One day, I will put some srs work into that idea I had about a fictional magic system where I would call on Pokémon to represent gods/elements in the circle and do magix for realz. But ten elements is a lot more than four, and I cbf with four, so it might never happen. I am lazy when it comes to setting up sacred ritual space. Takes too long, isn’t necessary, why take up all that valuable ritual time?, I could be communing with the gods right now, etc)
The Equinox was a bit of a let-down. The new moon super moon solar eclipse equinox was so powerful it brought on … my period. *sighs* And I never quite got my energy back to do any sort of ritual, so that never got done. All I really did was change up my altar with a new cloth, which has the unfortunate ability to draw in wax and incense ashes onto its surface like nothing else. o.O Srsly, it is so dirty and it has only been on that shrine for a fortnight! D: WELL I WILL CHANGE YOU AGAIN WHEN I GET A PROPER BLACK ONE THAT WILL WORK FOR THE MYSTERIES OF WESIR SO YOU CAN GO AND SULK ELSEWHERE. I RESCUED YOU FROM AN OP SHOP AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME, ETC. *shakes fist* >:( /never using it again omg
…Because, of course, now that I have a bigger shrine, I can’t use my old altar cloths, so I need to get bigger ones. The smaller ones are only really useful now for Wesir’s shrine on the ancestral altar, so I’ll probably only keep those ones, and ditch the rest/donate them to … somewhere. My mother’s quilting stash, perhaps. IDK.
And of course there were more fkn clouds for the lunar eclipse earlier in the month, which I actually had a chance to see, and so I didn’t get to see that, either. :/ I am beginning to suspect I may never see an eclipse. But anyway. Did have Kernunnos turn up during my full moon meditation, though. Apparently my pings were heard, and He decided to turn up and say hi. So, yeah. That happened. I actually didn’t twig it was Him at first, because Androgynous Figure Emerging From Forest And Turning Into A Deer is totally a Thing Artemis does with me. But the stag had a different energy (more masculine, after a fashion), and I guessed it was probably Kernunnos, if it wasn’t Artemis, which He confirmed as we talked. I think Kernunnos has a similar androgynously male gender like Djehuty has. Feels much more liminal and …inconsistently formed, if that makes sense? Not a god of fixed form, that one.
The rest has mostly been Hermes, coming and going, and making me write things. I’m still working on the Pasithea’s City rewrite, because I started working, and suddenly I had no energy to write, but that’s settling down now, and once I get into the rhythm of that, I should be able to better schedule writing time and get that thing finished. Because it was late, and it got complicated and long, and it will take longer to finish than I anticipated. Can’t say I haven’t met a bunch of (new?) gods along the way. My artist (because it was for a big bang challenge) also got sick and had some RL issues, so at least we were both not finished together. We’re determined to be finished, though, in our own time. At least this means I have the time to do it properly, and not rush the edit, because I hate when I rush edits. It never ends well.
I’ve set up the ancestral shrine for the Mysteries, which start in a few weeks. I’m still not sure how much I will mark it, and I may not be able to do the night vigil, but I’ll at least try to offer water every day for Him and for the ancestors. There’s been a lot of death around lately in the world, and in my own life, and the Mysteries just feel more significant, more important, this year than they have before. It might be why I decorated so early for it, because it’s playing on my mind now. That need to withdraw and recharge in that stillness of the night. I don’t care if I can only do an hour or so for the vigil, but I will do it, because I need that stillness with Wesir and the akhu.
I had also planned to get some decent work done towards the Dedicant’s Program for ADF, once I finally decided I wanted to do it properly, but I’ve been so busy, I’ve barely had time to start, let alone make any progress. I did make a new WP blog for it, in addition to my (albeit gigantic) paper journal, but I won’t post that link until I start using it. I am using the DP Through the Wheel of the Year as a guide to keep me on track, though I’m giving myself as much time as I need to complete each week, because I know I will need time to think Thinky Thoughts about some of those things, particularly the virtues. What made me decide to go ahead with it was that I felt comfortable enough with ADF to want to study it further and deeper. If ADF druidry is going to become a significant framework for my practice, I want to know it better than I do right now. I want to know the rules so I can break them properly. 😉 /Kemetic hearth ftw. 😛
Also, I have a request for book/resource recs (English only) on the following topics:
– Egyptian heka/magic, that gives enough information/ideas to actually do something practical (does this even exist? I feel it doesn’t – with the exception of Devo’s magix posts, of course, but I might be wrong?)
– Sigil and rune magic; for runes, as long as I can port the techniques to Anglo-Saxon futhorc, I don’t really mind if it’s based around the Norse futhark. Sigil basics would be useful, as long as they don’t over-emphasise the whole ~putting your intent into the sigil~ thing, because I just don’t Energy Work like that. I need other ways of doing that, if they exist at all.
– does anything exist on Hellenic magic? At all? I know some Hellenic groups are not cool with magic, but I’d like to read up more about it. Doesn’t need to be practical, anything will do at this stage.
There are some things I already have bookmarked, and a few things I already have myself, but I wanted to know if there was anything else out there I should look at/steer clear of, because I can always find lots of books on the Internet, but I can’t always tell what’s worth spending money on. I’m asking about these topics in particular because
the gods I feel I ought to be doing more magic, but I don’t really have the training/resources/experience to know what to do, so I’m sort of exploring the things I feel more inclined towards, and see where that takes me. If anyone has any suggestions for other things I might look into, I’m willing to listen.
Anyway. I have things to do and I ought to be in bed before 3am (this is what happens when I don’t get enough internet time and have to be up early; my sleeping pattern rebounds the next night when I can be up as late as I like. GDI brain, stop it. >.<)(It’s not insomnia; I still get 7 hours sleep, I just sleep later. Because I am not a morning person.) So I’ll leave this here, and maybe write something more later, if I find the time and inspiration.