F is for Faith

So I’ve got faith down for this week, and in the interests of not faffing about for three days trying to think of something to write about, I’ll just go with it and see where I end up. I’ve done a lot of planning for topics I’d like to cover for this project, but it’s still always a work in progress as I keep up the regular postings.

So, faith. I’m not sure I remember what my idea was when I added this to the list for this week. Faith is quite the intangible thing. You can’t measure it, not really. I’ve often thought that it’s something you just know when you ‘see’ it?  Feel it may be a better description, perhaps.

It’s strange to talk about my own faith, too. It’s intangible, and in some ways, incomprehensible. For me, it’s definitely something I just know I have. Like, I have an unshakeable faith in my magic. I never doubt it won’t work. I don’t know how or why I have developed such a faith in magic, but there you go. It does mean that every spell I’ve ever cast has worked, though, so I guess that’s a nice bonus.

I think that’s also part of faith. Not doubting. And not in the sense of never questioning your faith or beliefs either, but … Like. It’s a different thing. I’m not sure I’m articulating this well, but faith is tied up with trust. So in order to have the faith in magic that I have, I also trust in what I’m doing. I trust the magic will work.

I also have faith in my Gods. It’s one of those things that comes with working with Gods, I suppose. I trust that They have my best interests at heart, and that They’re not going to cause me mischief and strife in return for my faith in them. It’s about trust. It’s strange to talk about trusting imaginary things, in the sense that I can’t actually prove They exist just as no one can prove They don’t exist either. But that’s what faith is for. It’s trusting in spite of not having any ‘proof’ (in the sense that proof is meaningful with regards to religious belief).

Like, even if I’m not entirely sure where Sobek is leading me when He (and the rest of my Divine Family) set things in motion, I have to trust that He has His reasons. I usually don’t know what He has in store for me, or how all these seemingly unconnected things make sense. At the same time, I still never feel like I’m being led somewhere with no control or free will. Sobek’s guidance is much more akin to ‘Look at this shiny thing!’ and leaving it down to me as to what I do with it. I think that’s why He’s so patient. There’s never only one path with Him. Working with Sobek is like making your way through a Choose Your Own Adventure novel in that there are many ways to proceed, depending on the choices you make, and perhaps even more than one ending. I have a feeling Sobek adjusts things as we go along based on what I’m interested in, and what I’ve decided isn’t interesting enough to pursue. To trust Sobek that much, to be sure He’ll lead me somewhere worthwhile even though I don’t have a map, takes a lot of faith.

To use a computer game analogy, it’s like starting an Age of Empires game (whichever flavour you like best), and all you can see is your town centre, maybe a house, and a few villagers. Assuming you’re not the sort of person who starts with the map revealed and fog of war turned off, that’s pretty much your whole world until you explore further. You’re surrounded by inky blackness and you’re unsure exactly what’s out there, apart from a few coloured spots where the other players are.

You don’t know the terrain, you don’t know what’s out there, you don’t even know how strong your enemies are until you venture into their camps to see if they’re able to be epically pwned sooner rather than later. That’s kinda what I feel like when Sobek begins to lead me around the place. I don’t have any information to go on, nothing but blackness and a few landmarks.

But the more I explore, the more of the terrain I get to know. I find a path that leads one way, but might be ignorant of another path elsewhere that’s quicker. I might stumble across a dead end. Maybe even stumble into an enemy camp, being ambushed by a tower I hadn’t been aware of. But the more I explore, the more I can make sense of the world I’ve found myself in. The map begins to make sense, and I can see how useful my allies might be.

Which is not to suggest that the paths Sobek leads me on are particularly dangerous. They’re not, for the most part. But it’s that sense of discovery, of not being able to make sense of things until you’ve revealed a significant amount of the map and got further along the road. And like all Age of Empires games, there’s never only one way to proceed. I mean, I’m pretty consistent in the way I play, but there are other ways of playing the game that I don’t use. Different configurations of armies, different priorities with tech research or gathering resources, that sort of thing. It’s the same with Sobek and I. He never makes the same path twice.

I feel like I’ve come a bit far from the topic of faith here, but so much of it does revolve around my relationship with Sobek and the trust I have in Him that no matter how much I side-eye Him and wonder wtf He’s got in mind when He introduces me to whatever it is He wants me to look at this time.

And, like, it’s not even just spiritual things either. This is a God that has spent a good proportion of my life trying to get me into metal.  Sobek’s priorities, I don’t even.

But I still have faith. And maybe things won’t make sense for years to come, maybe they’ll never make sense, but I want to experience everything He throws at me because I know it’ll be worth it one way or another.

IDK. I could talk about the faith I have in all my other Gods, but then this would be another 5,000 word post and I think one of those is quite enough for one year. So perhaps I’ll leave this here as an illustration of the faith I have, and why Sobek is a bastard. 😉

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